Want to Gain Some Perspective on Life?

Take a walk through a graveyard.

Yes, that probably sounds very morbid. But it is a task that people going through their MEvolutions often find thought-provoking and even liberating. It has such a great way of bringing to the forefront what matters in life.

I always find it so interesting. As you walk through, you don’t see a single engraving that reads things like:

• Joe Bloggs, worked 80 hours a week.
• Jane Doe, SVP of Communications.
• Anyone Atall, had a 4-bedroom house and 3.5 bathrooms.

And if you ever do, please let me know! Instead, you see inscriptions like:

• A quote that stands for their values…
• Some wisdom to pass on…
• Beloved by family, cherished by friends…
• Devoted [father, mother, partner, daughter, son, sister, brother, friend…]

Now…in all seriousness, this is not to say that the things in that first list do not hold meaning for people, that they do not bring them an element of satisfaction in life, or that they are not an accomplishment for some. But there is a difference. While it is important to achieve, progress, and attain your version of success in life, it is also important to not lose sight of what really matters. When you look at what is really fulfilling and what actually means the most, it’s funny how no one ever wished they worked more or had a bigger house. It’s interesting what we can place so much value on in life, compared to what we really want to be remembered by in death.

In fact, as a part of our research into what makes people thrive at MEvolution, I have had many conversations around what fulfills people and have read much on what people regret the most in life. Bronnie Ware, an Australian nurse, found five top regrets of the dying, from years of working in palliative care. A famous Harvard study found that, “relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health”. And, heaps of studies have shown that, “people who have satisfying relationships are happier, have fewer health problems, and live longer”.

Looking across various research and data points, there are some important themes in remembering what leads many to experience a fulfilling life:

• Authenticity: living life as one’s true self and being able to express one’s true thoughts and feelings.
• Work-life “balance”: Or as we say, having better harmony between work and life.
• Relationships: staying in better contact with those that one cares about.
• Fulfillment: allowing oneself to be happy and pursuing one’s own definition of meaning.

There is so much research that shows us prioritizing our relationships, and what is truly meaningful to us, creates a more fulfilling life. Yet, sadly, the reality is very different.

From a recent set of 325 people, who have taken the MEvolution evaluation to assess their opportunities for increased capacity, across several different roles, we have seen that:

• 65% do not spend as much time with the people that they care about as they would like.
• 56% do not feel they can be fully themselves.
• 36% feel there is too much going on to take a little time to themselves.

The reality is that it takes a change in mindset and behavior to see transformation in these areas. For example, when the to-dos pile up, often, quality time spent with others is one of the first things to go, along with self-care. It almost happens automatically, without thinking. Which is why it takes a mind shift to consciously make different choices and consistently create space. To be our true selves, we have to not succumb to the fears of the judgments of others. To have good work-life harmony, we have to set healthy boundaries. These are all mindsets and behaviors that can be built and nourished.

How often have you said, thought, or heard others say things like:

• I’m so tired (it’s Tuesday). It’s ok, I’ll have a lay in on Saturday.
• I can’t wait to retire; I’ll go to all the places I want to see.
• I know I am not as present as I want to be, but once I get to [insert title, pay amount, status etc.], I’ll have more time for myself and/or my [children, parents, partner, friends etc.].

But who knows what the future brings? If you are tired on Tuesday…what good is a nap on Saturday? Are you to spend Wednesday through Friday in a less than optimal state, with mediocre output? An important part of being positively energized is reframing your mind to see how you can inject the things that matter to you, in your life, now. Not later. It comes down to being able to see your options. Sure, that big trip to see the pyramids may take some time and money later, but if seeing new places is exciting, there may be somewhere else you can go now. Often the big things we imagine for the future, that we bank our happiness on, can restrict us from feeling happiness in the now.

So, start by asking yourself:

• Are you happy with how much quality time you are spending with those that matter in your life?
• What’s stopping you from being your true self? What fears are at play?
• How can you incorporate more of what fulfills, energizes, and excites you into your life now?

And remember, the very small, energizing choices can have a very big positive impact.